Your Pattern: The Carrier

You lose yourself by carrying too much.

You’re the person people count on.

You notice what needs to be done. You anticipate problems before they happen. You organize, remember, plan, fix, and step in when something needs to be handled.

Chances are, people describe you as dependable, capable, responsible, maybe even “the strong one.”

And they’re not wrong.

Your ability to carry responsibility is one of your greatest strengths.

But somewhere along the way, being responsible for things became feeling responsible for everything.

Learn more about your pattern and how to start to heal in this 7 minute audio message from Katie

The Carrier

  • Your hidden pattern:

    When life gets stressful, your instinct is often to take on more.

    You tighten your grip. You make the list. You solve the problem. You make sure everyone has what they need.

    There may be a belief underneath it that sounds something like:

    “If I stop, everything will fall apart.”

    So even when you finally get an hour to yourself, you might find yourself cleaning, organizing, planning, or catching up.

    Rest can feel strangely uncomfortable when there is still something that could be handled.

    And because there is always something that could be handled, you rarely get to feel finished.

  • How you lose yourself:

    The problem isn't that you care too much or that you need to become less responsible.

    It's that you've become so practiced at noticing what needs to happen that you can stop noticing what is happening inside of you.

    What do I need?

    What do I want?

    What am I feeling?

    What would feel good to me?

    Those questions can quietly move to the bottom of the list.

    Not because you don't matter.

    Because you've learned that you can wait.

    Again and again and again.

    Until one day you look at a life you've worked incredibly hard to build and realize:

    I'm in it. But I don't feel fully here.

  • What you're really longing for:

    Underneath all that carrying, there may be a quieter wish:

    I want someone to take care of me for once.

    Not because you're incapable.

    Because you're tired of always being the capable one.

    Your path home isn't abandoning your responsibilities or blowing up the life you've built.

    It's learning that you belong inside the circle of things you care for, too.

Insight means nothing without doing something different.

Now you know a little more about The Carrier pattern.

But knowing your pattern isn’t enough. The next step is to practice the skill of coming back to yourself.

I've chosen a short practice for you from The Somatic Pharmacy based on your result.

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Your Prescription: Off Duty

A 7 minute nighttime practice from the Somatic Pharmacy


When you’re used to being the one who holds everything together, being told to “just relax” isn’t especially helpful. Your mind may still be tracking what needs to happen, who needs what, and what you might be forgetting.

I chose Off Duty — a sleep wind down practice — for you because coming home to yourself begins with experiencing, even briefly, what it feels like to put down what you’re carrying.

For the next seven minutes, there is nothing you need to manage, solve, anticipate, or hold together.

You’re allowed to be off duty.

Off Duty (Sleep Wind Down)

When to use this

Come back to this practice when you notice that your body has stopped for the day, but your mind is still carrying everything.

Especially:

  • At bedtime when you're mentally running through tomorrow

  • After a day of being needed by everyone

  • When you feel responsible for making sure everything is okay

Afterward, notice

You don't need to analyze the experience. Just notice:

What was it like to let yourself be off duty — even for a few minutes?

And if it felt difficult to put things down, notice that too. There's nothing you need to fix about that.

NOW YOU KNOW HOW YOU TEND TO LOSE YOURSELF.

Next: begin the journey home by discovering what matters to you

When you’ve spent so much of your life responding to what needs to be done, what other people need, or what’s expected of you, it can be surprisingly difficult to hear the answer to the question:

What actually matters to me?

Come Home is a short guided exercise designed to help you quiet some of the noise, reconnect with yourself, and listen for what you want your life to feel like in this season.

You don’t need to make any big decisions or figure out your whole life.

Just bring something to write with and give yourself about 15 minutes.

One question. Ten minutes of writing. A little more clarity about what matters to you.

COME HOME

No additional sign-up required.