Your Pattern: The Passenger
When life gets intense, you lose yourself by disconnecting from yourself.
There was probably a time when you knew what you wanted without having to think so hard about it.
What sounded fun.
What you liked.
What you didn't like.
What you needed.
But lately, even simple questions can feel surprisingly difficult.
“What do you want to do?”
I don't know.
“What do you need?”
I'm not sure.
Sometimes, you may wonder who you are underneath all the roles you've gotten so good at playing.
Learn more about your pattern and how to start to heal in this 6 minute audio message from Katie.
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Your hidden pattern:
When life becomes too much, your instinct isn't necessarily to push harder or take care of everyone else.
Sometimes you simply...leave.
Not literally.
You scroll.
Zone out.
Binge a show.
Stay busy with things that don't require much of you.
You might feel numb, flat, foggy, or strangely disconnected from your body.
And then you look up and wonder where the last hour went.
This isn't laziness.
Sometimes disconnecting is simply what we've learned to do when being fully present feels like too much.
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How you lose yourself:
The more often you disconnect from what you're feeling, wanting, or needing, the harder those signals can become to hear.
Eventually, you may start living primarily through roles:
Mother.
Partner.
Professional.
Daughter.
Friend.
The person everyone knows you to be.
But underneath you might be wondering:
Where did I go?
You haven't disappeared. You’re still right here.
But you may have gotten very far away from your sense of connection to yourself.
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What you're really longing for:
You aren't necessarily longing for a completely different life.
You may simply want to feel alive inside the life you already have.
More joy.
More connection.
More desire.
More moments when you're not just going through the motions but actually there for them.
Your path home isn't figuring out your entire identity.
And it isn't forcing yourself to answer the enormous question, like “What do I want from my life?”
It's rebuilding connection through much smaller moments. It’s learning how to stay present with yourself, regardless of the emotional content of the day. It is learning to be your own advocate and friend.
Insight means nothing without doing something different.
Now you know a little more about The Passenger pattern.
But knowing your pattern isn’t enough. The next step is to practice the skill of coming back to yourself.
I've chosen a short practice for you from The Somatic Pharmacy based on your result.
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Your Prescription: Compassionate Body Scan
A 10 minute practice from the Somatic Pharmacy
When you’ve felt disconnected from yourself for a while, questions like What do I want? What do I need? Who am I now? can feel enormous.
You don’t have to answer them yet.
I chose this Compassionate Body Scan because your way back can begin somewhere much simpler: noticing that you’re here and offering yourself compassion in this moment.
For the next ten minutes, you’ll gently bring your attention to your body — not to fix or change anything, but to begin listening again.
Coming home can start with the simple experience of noticing yourself.
When to use this
Come back to this practice when you feel far away from yourself — numb, foggy, checked out, overwhelmed, or unsure what you need.
Especially:
After you’ve been scrolling or zoning out and realize you’ve disappeared for a while
When “What do I want?” feels impossible to answer
When you’ve been moving through your day on autopilot
When you want to reconnect but don’t know where to begin
Afterward, notice
Don’t ask yourself to figure everything out. Start smaller:
What can I notice about myself right now that I couldn’t notice ten minutes ago?
A sensation. An emotion. A preference. A little more energy. Even I don’t know is something you can notice.
NOW YOU KNOW HOW YOU TEND TO LOSE YOURSELF
Next: begin the journey home by discovering what matters to you
When you’ve spent so much of your life responding to what needs to be done, what other people need, or what’s expected of you, it can be surprisingly difficult to hear the answer to the question:
What actually matters to me?
Come Home is a short guided exercise designed to help you quiet some of the noise, reconnect with yourself, and listen for what you want your life to feel like in this season.
You don’t need to make any big decisions or figure out your whole life.
Just bring something to write with and give yourself about 15 minutes.
One question. Ten minutes of writing. A little more clarity about what matters to you.
No additional sign-up required.